Are We a Family At Work or Not?
This last weekend I had the wonderful opportunity to drive down South and spend some time on the lake with about 20 members of my family. Experiencing the peaceful waters while we kayak and drink on the dock, or the not so peaceful waters of holding on to dear life to a tube while your brother whiplashes his mini 1989 speedboat on a pin turn. I love the time I get to spend with just my family. The laughter is someone inappropriate, the manners at the meal table or somewhat questionable, and the speaking topics are a little off-kilter. Family Gossip abounds and the eye rolls are distinguished.
On the car ride home, between the audiobooks and the recordings of comedy Netflix specials playing through the speakers, a thought came to mind that I want to discuss today.
Thank God I do not work with my family.
That is a level of impropriety that I never want to deal with in a workplace. A level of exposure to your personal life with just a smidge more back-talk and "poking the bear" then I would care for during my 9:00 to 5: 00. Add in all the ex-military and police officer energy amongst my kin, and I'm sure that it might be a bit too much for my hipster heart to experience on a daily basis where we always run the risk of politics at the dinner table already…. I can't say that would be the job I would always want And I would assume many others would like to avoid
(yes, the irony of me still being and Air Force reservist is real here, but the taboo of talking about whoever is President - aka Commander in Chief - at work is a soul saver, but I digress….back to our discussion)
Your Workplace “Family”
And yet despite these dynamics to consider.... "Family" seems to be what most modern organizations strive to emulate.
"We are a family here" is a common sentiment amongst many leaders today. But what does that even mean? It's easy to understand how such a phrase is designed to elicit a certain type of feeling, emotion, connection to your team of peers and supervisors. The intention is to make you feel like you're in a welcome space where you as you are accepted.
For many people, this sounds like the ideal work environment. I would hypothesize But the outdoor recreation sphere is no exception. As we continue to drive and strive for more inclusivity amongst our fellow outdoor enthusiasts working to make the industry thrive and grow, It only makes sense that we want to make it feel like people would be at home within the industry.
And it makes sense. We spend most of our lives in the workplace, not at home. Those of us without spouses and kids, this statement rings even more true. We have a deep ingrained need for community as humans, so of course we want to find that in the greatest time suck amongst our lives.
But there is a distinct boundary between creating a safe workplace environment That feels open and welcoming versus making employees feel like they owe you something, where you're at Liberty to treat them in some way.
Consider the Implications of a “Family-like” Organization
Mental health specialist Gloria Chan Packer provides a beautiful evaluation of this "family" workplace mentality in her TED talk "Work is not your Family" That I would be remiss to try and emulate. I encourage you to watch it.
In it, Packer discusses a particular point in her life where she made a dramatic announcement in front of her husband that she was defined by her work. Sitting right next to the person that she's building an entire life with, the loss of a job is the only thing that she thought brought value and purpose to her life! Now first, I'd hate to be the husband to hear that. I'm sure that's an astounding blow. Put the feeling behind this story that Packer was trying to project hits very true. Why in the world did she think that work mattered more? That she owed more to the people she worked with than her own husband? That the job that just dumped her, was worth treating as if she owed more of her life to it then her partner who had committed his life to her?
Here are a few other highlights that I gathered from her presentation:
1) Boundaries are a big proponent that can be violated when family dynamics are ingratiated into the workplace.
Workplaces that try to encourage a family dynamic can cause you as an individual to not draw your own boundaries about how much you actually owe the institution that is paying you for your services. That same organization will honestly forget about you once you leave that institution, no matter how much of a great workplace it is! But feeling like you always have to be available to your employer in the way that you are for your parents, partners and prodigy can lead to burnout. Learning to Setting goals and expectations that are distinct from what you allow on family dynamics is vital to your long-term mental health.
Frankly the supplies just as much to the employer, whose example is emulated by the employees. Giving too much to a company or organization when in a leadership role can risk burning out the whole team.
2) How You Communicate Matters
When you as a leader of trying to tell your people that you want them to consider the whole place like a family, what are you trying to communicate? What values are you trying to suggest? What sacrifice are you asking of them? By describing a company as “like a family,” you also leave the expectations vague on how camaraderie should be experienced. Also, how you communicate can encourage Your employees to feel like they're in a safe place to draw boundaries, and help them have long-term success rather than losing them to burnout early on.
3) Don't think family, think professional sports team
Packer admits right at the beginning of her presentation that there have been a lot of positive outcomes from people trying to drive their organizations “like a family.” But she suggests that there's an alternative solution that can eliminate the repercussions about boundaries and expectations laid.
By suggesting your organization is like a professional sports team, what picture does that project? It suggests a group of professionals, that like to have fun, that like to bring their all and work as hard as possible to win during the hours allotted…who then go hang up their jersey at the end of the day. That bring their all when the time is right, but ultimately don't continue playing the game throughout their downtime because they need rest.
Being a Part of the Team
I had a conversation with a colleague shortly after that Ted talk. During a meeting she proclaimed our organization was "like a family." Afterwards, though I challenged her to think differently and told her about the TED talk I'm telling you if today... I realized maybe it's not all wrong. I DO have a boss that, when I look a little busted up at work, I feel safe enough to be honest that I went through a breakup or my dog died rather than deflecting with some excuse about sleep. Jokes can be had and professionalism can still be maintained. Our people feel commitment to or supervisor team to perform well even if it takes a little more time after work hours, But no one ever feels pressured and our CEO never asks anybody to do more than the 8 hours they're paid for.... Setting the example by keeping to his paid schedule.
Is it a fine line? Absolutely. I've seen one too many people in my lifetime sacrifice their families to the work that they do. I've had to remind many of my troops during my military service that there's only one thing that goes home with you at the end of all the years of service…And that's your loved ones. They throw their identities into the Air Force or whatever branch they're in and lose themselves so that, when they get out at year 4 or your 10 or you're 20…they don't know who they are outside of the service and they struggle.
But at the same time... There's value in knowing that the people you work with everyday have your back now and…just maybe… your devotion to a similar cause in the work you all do just might build lasting relationships that become a part of your life when you leave. People that know that you gave your all to them even if the organization forgets you when you're gone.
That's a sports team that I would love to be a part. I would be proud to hang that jersey on the wall.
But I’ll keep this (below) type of Family Fun all to myself….
